Tinkon ka bas ek Aashiyan...

Its 2 am in Delhi, India. I just got off the phone after arguing my case with Sunita Mishra of " Aap itne haseen na hote to bhai bana leti " fame. I am the only one who can wake her up at 2 in the morning and start an intellectual conversation without getting a lesson on time etiquette!

The issue for the night was home - sweet home as they sold to all of us long time ago. I am not anti-civilization but I have come to the conclusion that it is the quest of this sweet home that is the root cause of all the wars, hunger and poverty in this world. This is the genesis of all the evils that we see on TV and read in the papers every day.

I can explain.

For a moment go back to your teenage years when the world used to look so romantic. When we knew only friends and not Hindus, Muslims and Christians. When we used to hang around the St. Mary's Church at Byculla at certain time to get a glimpse of a christian girl who used to be a visitor there. We used to wear cross and show up in the church because we wanted to be friends with her and we did not believe any made walls and beliefs should stop us.

We were in the business of breaking walls no matter high and mighty and un touchable they were. Some jebronis still do that in the world albeit on a minor scale. World was an idealistic place where no one was a stranger. We were like one big family. We used to fight along with our Hindu friends against any bully that showed up to fight them.

Cut to present day:

Now after marrying the girl that parents selected after checking the jaat, caste and religion; buying a house after making sure no one "who is not like us lived there" and sending our kids to "our" types of school, we have become so unlike what we were when we were growing up?

What the f***k happened?

The search for that "Tinkon ka aashiyana" is one reason beside our communal DNA. How else could you explain a guy who dated Muslim girl and almost ran away with her to marry while in college, is now making sure his kids don't make "Muslim friends?" The same chap gives charity only to Hindu organization and blames Muslims for all the evil in this world? Same goes for the Muslim gentleman too - no exceptions in this Olympics of hating other human beings.

I think buying or building a house brings a sense of permanency in human mind. That permanency is the reason in limiting a man's vision. Throw in a wife and a kid and now you have a gentleman who is willing to bomb the whole world if need be, in order to save these two. Because they are HIS own, that is HIS house. This gentleman NOW wants to play God to his family, and make sure they and their future generation are safe against the perceived enemy. This love for my wife, my home and my kids makes us so small and childish that it seems so funny.

Julia Roberts made a documentary on some tribes living in Mongolia. She went there with a crew and spent a couple of weeks in the middle of nowhere. You see her from getting shocked at every day lives there to finding peace and serenity in that environment. That tribe has no doors, no locks - nothing. Nobody steals anything there. Even the horses are left un-tied at night outside and yet they don't run away. These tribes don't own things and lands. They just stop at a place, live for sometime and move on. They don't have wars, and they don't practice hatred there. Everything is considered temporary in their world, which we don't seems to get!

Most of my friends have house, kids and wives . Every time I visit their homes these thoughts expressed on this blog get reinforced. I witness their turnaround from a global citizen to a " Khao, Khujao and Batti Bujaho" type. They don't care what happens in the the next gully, forget about the next mohallah or the next town. As the kids are growing and becoming open and internationals these parents who were like their kids 15 years ago going local - very local - only 3500 Sft worth.

Sunita wants me to own a house, get married and settle down. I too want to get married and settled own but without owning lands and things as they, in my mind are the beginning of the journey of selfishness. The folks, I consider my heroes never "owned" things. Be it a general who ruled half the world and lived in $5 tent, as Bill Clinton calls it, to humanist businessman JRD Tata.

Today, in this world everyone and everything looks mine. Why would I want to exchange this wide world for 3500 SFT of concrete and wood?

Mullah says I should watch out for this tendency of thinking "everything is so mine" as it may one day result in believing that other people's kids and wives are yours too?

Well, I will take the fifth amendment on that one!

Secured Be-wafaiyan..

I did not realize the difficulty I am going to face transporting new TV to my house when I bought it. So here I was, in my parking lot experiencing what I call an "American moment" which basically means "you are always alone every time - all the time!". Contrast that to an Indian version of it which means " You are never- ever-goddamned ever alone!".

I was about to give a shout at Mullah or Manohar when I saw these two kids approach me. They offered to help me with TV and I graciously accepted it. While upstairs they placed the TV at the right place and before I could thank, they asked for my permission to preach me. They belonged to the Chucrh of Mormon and were on a one year assignment preaching away from home. They go door to door sharing good news about their Lord with "hell-bound" people like me.

I offered them seats, cokes and rapt attention but only on one condition, that they will let me also preach for 5 minutes. They accepted and preached me about their faith and how it began when in 1830, a 15 year old boy named Joseph Smith Jr. (1805-1844), had a visit from Jesus Christ who asked him to start a new church now known as The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints (with headquarters in Salt Lake City, Utah -- a state that is now 70% Mormon).

I don't have a yearning for religious change in my life and am not looking for any other outlet for satisfying my need for a higher being. I am completely at peace being a Muslim even though Yaar log from both the sides of the aisle have done an excellent job turning it into some kind of a terrorist cult. I enjoy the philosophical sides of every religion. Give me a religion, any religion and I will find something to rejoice about.

One of my favorite story is that of Ganesha when he along with his brother was asked by his parents to lagao a chakkar of the world in order to get a toy. The brother runs off in a hurry but Ganehsa just revolves around the parents saying you are my world and I have completed the chakkar of my world. How can you beat that for motivation and love? I use this story sometime to the amazement of my audiences to make a point.

When they finished and gave me the Mormon Bible it was my time to preach as promised. And my convesration went like this:

Me: Kids, how old are you?
Both: 15 and 14
Me: What if I tell you that you can receive a half a million dollars 20 years from now...
Both: How?
Me: Just invest you lunch money in a mutual fund for 20 years.

Their jaws drooped and eyes wide opened - as expected.

Me: I am serious kids. Look if you invest $6 dollars, your lunch money into any mutual fund for 20 years you will have a $500,000 in your account. I don't know what future holds for you and what calamities await you. I don't know which woman is going to drop a nuclear bomb in your heart, or who is going to stab in your back and what disease or divorce you are going to pick up when you are 35. Whatever it is, with half a million dollars in your bank you would be able to deal with it...

When those kids were leaving, I could see from their lit up eyes that my preaching did pay off and they may invest in the market to attain future security!

Whenever I share this story with Mullah; I always complain to him that, no one told me this when I was 15 otherwise I would be a millionaire. Every time he asks "was there any lunch money available to you when you were 15?"

Every time I take a deep sigh.....

Mr. and Mrs. Iyer

This is Jahangir Chaudry, he is muslim...

Just saw Mr. and Mrs. Iyer for the n+100th time.

You make one film like this, and you know you have paid your dues to the humanity. You have paid debts to all those that showed up in your life when you had given up on everything between heaven and earth....

Pure magic indeed!

The truth about cats and dogs...

“People, I can’t see, my mind is dead and I am totally exhausted and will not be able to drive back home-- someone please either drop me home or take me to your house and put me to sleep for tonight.”

I announced that to my "Investment Analysis" class a few weeks ago amid roaring laughter. Folks, enjoyed “put me to sleep” thingy and went back to their conversations. A couple of potential volunteers showed interest and one of them, my favorite one, even stopped by my desk. (You know you have arrived as a writer, when you can predict the reactions of your audiences, and this time I was right on the money.)

Volunteer: Hey, Are you ok? What is going on?
Me: Nothing, just tired. I have too much going on with full time job, script writing and these four courses.
Volunteer: Oh, I am sorry! Take it easy. Look, I would have taken you home but you know Toby lives with me…
Me: That’s cool. I can sleep with Toby in the living room….it is just one night.
Volunteer: Actually, Toby is my dog….
Me: No problem…I can sleep with him.
Volunteer: Well, Toby sleeps with me on my bed…
Me: Like I said, I will sleep wherever Toby sleeps…I am a man of words (You just can not take Mumbai out of a Miya bhai!)

I have been observing American love affair with things doggy for quite sometime now. And I am surprised to see that this habit of "having dogs" has taken obsessive proportions, especially when it comes to blondes FPNs. I have seen simultaneous promotions of dogs and demotions of men in many households as soon as the dogs arrived.

Apna Manohar Parsad Yadav has been noticing it too. The other day we were driving to see “Kismat Konnection” when he started using B*&#$% and Maa&*($#. I asked ke “bhaiyya Manohar kiya bad tameezi hai?” He pointed towards the neighbouring car, which had a ravishing FPN with equally ravishing Chuchuua sitting on her lap – staring at Manohar.
“ Salaa kutte ka bccha Moonh chida raha hai”…. Manohar thundered.
Yaar masoom janwar hai….kiyoon tention lete ho?
‘Us gaud main baith ke koi masoom nahi rehta –dekho kaise!…”

Even Mullah Luis gets fired up when talking about his girl friend and her two dogs. He says, they have cost him almost ten thousand dollars in two years by tearing up the carpets and just messing up the place. What really makes him mad is that his FPN does not consider this additional cost as a cost of maintaining dogs. She thinks that dog cost only dog foods. In addition, it is his duty to “walk them” at least four times a day. As a result he ends up spending more time with dogs than with his southern Belle. Mullah says “In a house cohabited by an FPN, a dog and a man – there is only one who is really enjoying life and it is NOT man!”

And then there are love affairs that get derailed as soon as girls find out that the guy they thought “perfect”, does not like pets. A friend from Dallas, TX dropped her Pakistani boyfriend because he was not fond of dogs and she could not take his indifference to her dog any more. Well, she has no idea that per famous humorist Mushatq Ahamd Yusufi, “Muslims do not take those animals as pets that they can not eat!!”

Well, there are many more cases I can recall. The point is, what is going on in the other half world? What lead to this over obsession with dogs and other pets among females? A sociologist can answer those questions with more authority and qualitative research but me think that women are trying to fill the gap of loyalty left by men. The only claim to fame that dog have is loyalty. They are the only animals on planet that earn their livelihood on being loyal. Women know that dog is the only one who would not react negatively to their ageing process, ups and downs of life and the break down of other things they hold dear…

The second reason that comes readily to mind is the need to love and be loved. We all have this innate need to love someone unconditionally. All right, not all but most of us! And an ugly looking Chihuahua fulfils that need with perfection. Have you seen a dog jump all over you as you enter the house after work? It is a good sight to see and a horrible thing to experience, that in spite of all your charm and wit, a dog wins each time in getting the best deal.

And finally, women of all ages and nationalities like to have kids. It is part of their DNA. They put off having kids due to work and other ambitions. A dog becomes that child that they could not have.

Sometime I think going back to the “basics” is the only way to salvation….

Mullah thinks that women, by taking dogs all the way to beds are trying to convert dog into a human being. He doubts Mr. Darwin’s theory of men going from 4-legged monkey to two-legged men a mater of mere “selection”. He thinks there must have been woman who turned chimps into men…and it is the turn of dogs now to be converted to men. However, he highly doubts if dogs would enjoy being men…

I hope someone is documenting the contribution of women in this doggy evolution…

Well, I ended up driving home after the class. It was well past 11 and I drove at least 50 mph less than the posted speed limit, which was 55 MPH. Thankfully no cop stopped me for driving too slow. What I really wanted to do was to turn around and go north, and show up outside an apartment in Cartersville, GA . I wanted to do a Dahrmendara Paa Ji stunt and call that damn Toby out and shout “ Kutte Kamine bahar nikal, main tera khoon pee jaoonga”…

Well, That did not happen and man lost to a dog, again!

I hate dogs...

"War is over Mom...!"

Suicides among veterans of Iraq and Afghanistan are reaching epidemic proportions. More than 6,000 veterans took their lives in 2005 alone, according to a study by CBS News. By some estimates, veterans are attempting suicide 1,000 times a month. Marine Corporal James Jenkins of New Jersey was one of these unsung casualties of war. A decorated veteran of the Iraq invasion and the Battle of Najaf, he took his own life after serving 22 months overseas. His mother, Cynthia Fleming, shares his story with ANP - a tragedy that is being repeated 15 times a day in this country. ( Source: American News Project)

Un aankhon main...

Bichadte Wakt Un Aankhon Main thi Hamari Ghazal
Ghazal Bhi Woh jo Kisi ki Abhi Sunayi Na Thi......!

Adawaten thi, Taghaful tha, Ranjhishen Thin Magar
Bichadne Waale main Sab kuch tha Be-Wafayi Na thi.

Woh Humsafar tha Magar Us se Hum-Nawayi Na Thi...
Ke Dhoop Chaoon Ka Alam Raha Judayi Na Thi...

Pfc Joseph Dwyer, (1977-2008)

"The photo above captures everything that Americans wanted to believe about the Iraq war in the earliest days of the invasion in 2003. Pfc. Joseph Dwyer, an Army medic whose unit was fighting its way up the Euphrates to Baghdad, cradles a wounded boy. The child is half-naked and helpless, but trusting. Private Dwyer’s face is strained but calm.

That story turned bitter years ago, of course. And the mountain of sorrows keeps growing: Mr. Dwyer died last month in North Carolina. He was 31 and very sick. For years he had been in and out of treatment for post-traumatic stress disorder and addiction. He was seized by fearful delusions and fits of violence and rage. His wife left him to save herself and their young daughter. When the police were called to Mr. Dwyer’s apartment on June 28, he was alone. They broke down the door and found him dying among pill bottles and cans of cleaning solvent that friends said he sniffed to deaden his pain"....(New York Times Editorial, July 15, 2008)

http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/military_the_enemy_within

"When people would teasingly call him "war hero" and ask him to tell about his experiences, or about the famous photo, he would steer the conversation toward the others he'd served with. But Dwyer once confided that another image, also involving a child, disturbed him.

He was standing next to a soldier during a firefight when a boy rode up on a bicycle and stopped beside a weapon lying in the dirt. Under his breath, the soldier beside Dwyer whispered, "Don't pick it up, kid. Don't pick it up."

The boy reached for the weapon and was blasted off his bike." - Yahoo news

It is unfortunate that a day after my last blog entry I found this news about Pfc Joe Dwyer. Dwyer told Newsday that he'd lied on a post-deployment questionnaire that asked whether he'd been disturbed by what he'd seen and done in Iraq.

Sad indeed...

Old men start wars...

Jaane kiya Soch ke Rota Raha Qatil Tanha...

"Old men start wars. Young men fight them. And everyone in the middle gets killed. War is natural. Peace is an accident. We're animals." - A dialogue from Sylvester Stallone’s last movie Rambo (2008). Sylvester Stallone edited this dialogue out and you don’t see him say those lines anymore.

Artists are the conscience of any society and no artist should be afraid to tell the truth, otherwise he or she is not an artist but a glorified baniya!

Above an American GI holding a dead baby in Iraq after the bombing that killed her. It is apparent that the baby is dead but a little sensitivity can conclude that a part of this GI is also killed along with her.

No amount of training can prepare you for this and you just can't walk away from this experience "alive". This guy or gal will be in the US whenever his/her time is done and would re-join the civilian life. Everything will go back to normal like parties, shopping, graduation and ball games - only he or she would know that he or she is a "dead man walking!"

War will come to an end sometime. Deads will be counted, memorials on both sides of Atlantic will be built and re-construction will begin. But war will never end for this GI as long as he/she is alive!

This is how it is in the death lane...

She...

My mind is jumping from one thought to another after experiencing this picture. While we went about our business of living life, God knows what happened to this poor thing.

Looks at her closely. It seems like she has not take bath for days. Notice her dress, shoes and hair. Apparently someone did her hair a few weeks before this picture was taken. Her brother has no shoes, no proper cloth, and the reason he is in his senses is because she is taking care of him- somehow. She has her arms over him indicating protection and love.........

Kids gets excited when their picture is taken.....but she is so depressed and down that she does not care anymore...

What the f***k they are debating F***g nuclear deal in the Parliament, when we have more urgent issues to attend?

Qatl ke Baad...

Sab ke Cheron pe Tabassum the Mere Qatl Ke Baad
Naa Jaane Kiya Soch ke Rota Raha Qaatil...Tanhaa?

And then...

This has been a traumatic month for me. Three deaths, two colleagues and a relative in two weeks have disturbed me tremendously. One died yesterday, second one died last week while driving home, and third one died in a hospital at a young age. One was an ex marine, the other was an engineer and the third was a professional in faith based programs.

Where have they gone? How come they just go like that? No good byes no see ya...nothing. I am trying to be normal but cant stop thinking about them. Mullah says" you think too much man and every generation will have to go one day", but that does not help......Its going to be some tough nights for me...

I am not scared of death, but I want a good exit strategy. An exit strategy that calls for thanking folks for loving me, leaving me and coming back to me. A strategy that calls for realizing the dreams and goals, of helping dreamy eyed orphans and adding some value in some lives before I call it quits.

An exit strategy that I do not have right now..

PS: The above grave stone sculpture called " Asleep" was commissioned by Ms. Christina Matheson in the memory of her late husband Mr. Laurence Matheson ( April 25, 1930-Jan 12, 1987) who died at the age of 57 in Australia.

(Artist Peter Schipperheyn, Location: Mt. Macedon Cemetery, Macedon, Victoria)

Yuvraj...

a 7th grader in Bhopal: If you were Prime Minister, what would you do to remove the line between the rich and the poor?

Rahul Gandhi: "There are two ways. First, connect the rural poor to the rest of the world. Part of the reason why people living in remote villages are poor is because they are not connected to the rest of the world. They can be connected by roads, internet and markets which would offer them better prices for their agricultural produce.

Second, seeing it from the human angle, I feel poverty is only a state of mind. Poverty does not mean you don't have money. Even a rich man can be poor if he has not opened his mind to perceive and understand people of different religions, castes and persons from other countries and cultures."

If spontaneous answers are anything to go by, then he sure sounds like a jebroni.

India will be in safe hands - me think....we shall see!

Sunita!

I am enjoying these words since the day they were spoken. The story goes like this: I had called her up a few weeks ago when she was feeling low. I tried to make her laugh by saying whatever I found necessary. This line mirrors my conversation with her that day...

This "Mishra ki Bacchi" can get away with these lines simply because she is one of those revolutionary types that believe in changing the world before their time is up. I suspect it is just a matter of time before she leads one. As you can see she loves good words, good music, good poetry and some not so good looking people as well...

A great friend to know and keep for as long as life permits...

Tanhaiyyan...

Kash Kabhi Zindagi main Yun hota
Sath Tera aye-Hum Nasheen Hota!

Hum Daryaft Aasman Se Ye Karte
"Chaand Tanhaa to Ab Nahi Hota?"

Bad Rukhsat woh Ghar Nahi Lauta
Dil Apna Ek Taraf Nahi Hota?

Itni Tanhaiyon Ka Aadi hoon
Khwabon ka Bhi Guzar Nahi Hota

Jaane Kahaan, Kis Haal Main Hoga?
Ek Chera Jo Dhundlaa Nahi Hota

Shahid, Wohi Manzilen, Wohi Hausle...
Uthaa Kadaam ke Dekh Kiya Nahi Hota?

(c) Shahid Sayed, July 1, 2008

a Jihad of my own...

Well, my film has run into troubles even before the shooting began. Here is what happened.

A noted journalist from mainstream media found my story "interesting" and was pitching for me to appear on a prestigious local news paper. When he called me a few months ago and said " I am going to make you a star" - I thought I must be doing something right.

But that was before I shared the you tube link of " A jihad of my own" with him. I was holding the line waiting for him to watch the teaser and react. He came back on the phone with a distinctly different tone and said' "NOW you are scaring me buddy!"

A sweet little Blondie FPN, 13 years younger to me who had agreed to play Jennifer and was all excited at the possibilities it will offer, until she saw the that teaser. She showed up the next day with " I am sorry , can't do it" written all over her face!

My friends, here and in India advised me against going ahead with the project. "Make some comedy" one said, "people have spent lives doing research on politico/ religious topic, make sure you don't screw up" said the other. One of them even informed me about how cast and crew of " Khuda ke Liye" have went into hiding fearing retribution...

As usual I called Mullah to make sense of why these guys are reacting like this. Mullah too was unsymphtatic, "you are touching the nerves with that word man, don't do it".

I am aghast at these events. What is going on world? How come a word became so dirty that no one wants to associate with it? Even though this film is all about love with a universal massage and absolute minimum violence, why this knee jerk reaction?

There are 1.3 billion Muslims in this World. They are available in every shape, form and colors. 1 out of 5 person on this planet is a Muslim. We interact with them on a daily basis yet we don't know much about them. When in 2005 Americans were asked" what they thought of Muslim and Islam?", a majority 57% responded with "NOTHING". Shouldn't this be a cause of concern for the Muslim world in particular and the entire world in general?

We are living in a different world today and ignoring thy neigbour is not going to cut. Are we going to paint the entire civilization with the color of a few? Then what do we do? What is the way forward?

Ironically these were the questions my film was going to explore....

ps: It ain't that bad folks. I still have Rafiq Batcha, Jeff Shipman and others that are waiting for me to start shooting this film....Don't go away....I will find a way!

War, Inc.

"In 2008, if you are not going to be an activist now, I don't know if you ever are gonna be!" - JohnCusac, a certified jebroni while promoting his latest film War Inc.

War Inc., is a political satire set in Turaqistan, a country occupied by an American private corporation run by a former US Vice-President (Aykroyd). In an effort to monopolize the opportunities the war-torn nation offers, the corporation's CEO hires a troubled hit man (Cusack), to kill a Middle East oil minister.

You may not wanna miss this one...

a Jihad of my own...

Folks,
Here it the teaser. Please let me know what you think....it will be a help!

Woh Humsafar tha...

Woh Humsafar tha magar us se Hum - Nawayi na thi
Ke Dhoop Chaoon ka Alam raha Judai na Thi....

Adawaten thi, Taghaful tha, Ranjishen thin magar...
Bichadne Wale main sabhi kcuh tha Be-Wafayi na thi

Bichadte Waqt Un Aankhon main thi Hamari Ghazal
Ghazal bhi woh jo kisi ko abhi Sunayi na thi...

(Poet: Naseer Turabi, Sung by Aabida Parveen)

Betrayal...

"War is always about betrayal: betrayal of the young by the old, of idealists by cynics, and of troops by politicians.

This bitter knowledge of betrayal has seeped into the ranks of America's Iraq War veterans. It has unleashed a new wave of disillusioned veterans not seen since the Vietnam War. "

"War is the pornography of violence. It has a dark beauty, filled with the monstrous and the grotesque. The Bible calls it "the lust of the eye" and warns believers against it.

War allows us to engage in lusts and passions we keep hidden in the deepest, most private interiors of our fantasy lives. It allows us to destroy not only things and ideas but human beings. "

Chris Hedges is the former Middle East Bureau Chief of the New York Times, a Pulitzer Prize winner, and a senior fellow at the Nation Institute. These lines are from the introduction of his new book, Collateral Damage: America's War Against Iraqi Civilians (Nation Books), which he has co-authored with Laila al-Arian.

Send me your stereotypes…

As guru Javed Akhtar predicted that the change the in the Muslim world will come through women. Here is someone one who is doing her part. She is an MBA and used to work for Apple and Citgroup.

Queen Rania of Jordan, in order to promote dialogue between cultures and civilizations is requesting information on Arab and Muslim stereotypes from March 30 to August 12, 2008. She says she will " break those barriers down and help people see the real Arab world".....

Interesting times indeed...Awesome!