Thanks Yaraa...

Friends. Right from nursery days to college and beyond friends contribute so much in our lives, yet we don't recognize them enough. We get stuck with whatever relatives we were born with, but, we choose our friends. We choose them on their merits, goodness of their heart or just for the simple reasons that they were there for us when chips were down. They teach us so much, yet they learn from us, they fight with us and yet they make peace with us. They get critical of us yet they remain non judgmental. Man they are awesome people!

If a jebroni by the name of Mushtaq Singh had not helped poet and script writer Javed Akhtar, the world would not have seen Veeru and Jay's friendship in Sholay. Mushtaq Singh used to pay Javed Akhtar's tuition and boarding expenses when he was attending college in Bhopal. These incidents and many more like thses have had such a profound impression on Javed Saab's mind that in many of his films you see some extra ordinary friendships. One would have to read "Tarkash" to know how his friends created a Javed Akhtar out of a Javed Akhtar....

I am blessed to have some awesome bunch of Friends on both the sides of the Atlantic. When I was leaving India for America several years ago my major fear was not having enough friends in a distant land. My friends back in Mumbai had spoiled me so much that I was scared of not finding someone like them.

I was wrong. I did find them and more...and Jeff Shipman is one of them.

The reason I am writing this post is because I wanted to celebrate my friends and their friendships. All of our friends say something that we enjoy for a long time. I want to record these one liners so that we all can enjoy them. From now on, if any of my friends say something "original" and worth quoting then I am going to post it on this blog. I am beginning this celebration with Jeff "Jadu" Shipman and this is what he said the other day...

"I was at the Virginia Highland and saw this girl jogging next to me. Man, she was sooo beautiful...so beautiful that I could NOT see her face!"

I am willing to live anywhere in the World, endure any kind of hardship provided I am allowed some friends, a library and a tea stall that remains open late at night. I always believed that since beginning of time there is only one woman, one man, one friend and one enemy in our lives. They keep showing up with different names, colors and country of origin but they all are same - the Friends!

The Politics of a politician...

Comic Relief...

For those that are tired of hearing the word "appeasement" from our friends on the right side of the aisle in India, this guy will provide some comic relief...

Hatred, bigotry and terrorism knows no barrier, color and nationality. They all take cues from the same book. The problem is we are living in a different world where you just can not Bull shit your way out - specially if you run into a jebroni like Chris Matthews.

This is journalism at its best...Enjoy!

Tum...

PG 17...

Mullah Luis's current girl friend made him buy some of the most " expensive plastic" that a man can buy! Obviously he was not happy about it.

Today while we were whining and complaining about the the Iraq war, the great "tamasha" called Presidential election, food shortages, and volatility of FSLR during our daily bitching session also called " Lunch time"; he brought this news to me. I shared my thoughts on this issue and calmed him down by saying it is a passing phase. I also told him that for this amount of money he could have married a nice wafa-parwar FPN from India....

After keeping the US economy going by their spending sprees, plastic surgery or breast augmentation has become the national obsession in America for the girls ages 18-24. The modern society has put so much premium on "looking good" that girls are going nuts trying to lose weight and add fat wherever needed. The chase to find happiness in wrong places continues unabated. Every generation finds and enjoys its own poison...

"Meh-We Hairat hoon Duniya kiya se kiya ho jayegi?"

Back in the office when I was "number crunching" he dropped this note to me. I enjoyed it and was happy to see all those actuarial sciences classes that he has being taking lately finally yielding some fruits. When I told him this is going on my blog, he approved and signed to make it look more Presidential .....

I will be looking to buy the stocks of those companies that are in this "plastic" business.....coz there is money to be made!

(Photo: Time magazine)

They would abolish it...

And one wonders even after voting for peace in the last 65 years, why are we still getting almost the same policies with new twist and newly coined words.

For MT...

I generally don't get personal on my blog, but sometimes...a man is gotta do what a man is gotta do...
No F****g Peace!

Long weekend...

Chandra Mukhi...

Someone in my group was leaving to get married in Seattle, WA and stopped by at our office for a few minuets. We were happy to have him and soon there were jokes and advices flying all over the place...

When he was about to leave I decided that he shouldn't go empty handed, so I offered him a piece of advice someone gave me several years ago.I was traveling in a train with a girl I hardly knew and had met only a couple of months ago. This middle aged couple with two kids were our fellow passengers.

After we settled down the husband asked if we recently married. I lied and said yes. His name was some Mr. Agarwal and he was a film producer. He was flirting with his beautiful wife. I tell ya , there is no better sight than to see a husband flirting with wife (It helps if the wife in question is his!) , specially if they were married for a few years.

He said "Look, here is the deal and this is how it is going to be. You like it or not. There are three stages in a women's life after marriage...."

Stage 1: First 6- 9 months after the wedding a wife feels like a chandra Mukhi ( moon light). Sweet and sensual. You can't have enough of her...

Stage 2: Between 9 months to 3 years she feels like a Suraj Mukhi ( Sun Light) and prone to burn if you take it more than you ought to...

Stage 3: And finally my dear between 3 years to the rest of your life she feels like a Jwaala Mukhi ( Volcano)

My instinct told me that he is right on the money, so I asked " Guru is there any way we can just keep the first stage going?" . He said nope, all you can do is to keep a safe distance in all stages so that when she turns into the third type you will not get burned...

My fiend DP had a good laugh and said " I know only two rules to deal with wives: Rule # 1: A wife is never wrong , Rule # 2: Never forget rule # 1

I can say with certainty that my friend DP's wife is going to some happy woman for the rest of her life......

PS: The opinion expressed in this blog belong to Mr. Agarwal ( wherever he is) and author assumes no responsibility of any kind...Peace!

The last lecture.....

Professor Randy Pausch of Carnegie Mellon University diagnosed with pancreatic caner and given 4 months of life by the doctors, delivers his LAST lecture. It is 8 part video and I am attaching first and the last video. He talks about his childhood dreams and advices others about living childhood dreams...good stuff!

He celebrates his wife's birthday in front of the audiences probably for the last time. It is very touching and inspiring stuff. Don't miss what he says at the end of it.

I hope a miracle happens and professor Pausch survives cancer...

Dhoop Kinare...

Here is the singer of Faiz's Ghazal. I think I need to stop before this get out of control...
Peace..

Jaise Virane main...

Dariye mat - Aap ko girne nahi doonga!

Apna Khyaal Rakhna...

This TV serial came out when I was at Saboo Siddik College of Engineering (Mumbai), studying Soil Mechanics, Structural Analysis, hydraulics by day and dreaming, writing poetry n plays by night. Those were the days when innocence was in abundance and faith in humanity was un-shakeable....

It holds so many deeper meanings in my heart that I almost always choose to ignore them. Some knots are best left un-tied...

I discovered the entire 13 episodes serial on you tube and since then its been a disaster....I watch this last episode every day. If there is one title tack that I would like to use in my films then it got to be this ghazal accompanied by guitar...

The breaks-ups and more...

I have been getting some un-wanted phone calls lately. I tried to reason with callers and requested them repeatedly to stop chasing me. Nothing worked. When I ran out of patience and humor, I decided to change my cell number. I hated to let go of that old number as it was picked up by my first girl friend at a Home Depot by the Mall of Georgia...

The new number brought some peace of mind- but not for long. I started getting some seriously troubling messages. Apparently a high school teenager called Kathrine had that number before me. It was revealing and educating experience for me as a writer, to see how kids are behaving these days. One SMS used the word "whore" for her and the other mentioned about fun at the upcoming "prom night ". There were threats and F words and more....I felt sympathy for this girl. Ustaad Nida Fazli is on record:

" Us ke Dushman hain Bahut Aadmi Accha Hoga
Woh bhi Meri Trah Is Shahr main Tanha Hoga!"

It did not take long to figure out who she was running away from. The guy with most messages was called Luke - "the sky-rocket"! When I had enough of it I sent an SMS to Luke - "the sky-rocket" informing him of my gender and sexual orientation. As expected he thought Kathrine was sending him the responses. When some one said there is nothing called free Lunch in America, they really meant it. This "education" was costing me money so I finally called him. I told him that he has two options:

a: Get Katharine's new number or
b: Forget her!

He enjoyed those lines but refused to believe that I do not know her. He thought that I am Kathrine's friend and protecting her. There were other guys too that kept sending messages at odd hours. Some jebroni from Bollywood once said "it is tough to be a woman in the film industry!" I think it is tough to be a woman no matter what industry one is in..I felt for this poor girl. She was facing the same irrational behavior that we all indulge in - ie not accepting the inevitable!

Why people do not move on when relationships fall apart? Why do they wait for one person to act nasty before they lose hope of any reconciliation? Why does it all have to end this way?

I applaud Shahid and Kareena Kapoor for having an exemplary break up. None of them sound bitter when they speak about each other. They both have moved on. It was easy for Kareena as she found a Nawab for the company ( women always find someone first...!!) but poor Shahid was apparently too busy with his career to see the upcoming train wreck. Why can't we all behave like that? Why do we have to come up with allegations and lies to demonize a person before or after the break up?

Mullah has divided womenfolks ( and vice versa for being PC!) in five categories ( Front Page News, Good News, Bad News, Terrible News and Horrible News). He often criticizes me for not differentiating between a Good News and the Bad News types. In this case Luke-"the sky-rocket" was behaving like a bad news....

I dunno about all these Good and bad News. All I know is that if you can write a poem on a woman before you met her, after you met her and after the break up then she is a sure Good News.

Relationships, specially between couples survive on an oxygen called " Trust" and if that " trust" is sucked out then nothing is left. In this start-up joint venture everything is negotiable but trust! We all must recognize that defining moment when trust was broken and move on. There is always someone somewhere waiting...

I did...

Jaane Kiya Soch Kar...

Jaise Virane main...

Raat Yun dil main teri khoi hui yaad aayi
Jaise Viraane main chupke se bahar aa jaye
Jaise Sehraon main haule se chale baad-e-nasiim
Jaise Beemar ko be-Vajh qaraar aa jaaye ...
(Faiz Ahmad Faiz)

Bear Stearns is no more...

I had almost finished my blog discussing the 47% drop in the stock price of Bear Stearns when Mullah Luis called.
" Have you watched the news man?
"You are going to live 100 years man. I was writing about you on my blog"
" Bear Stearns is done man. They are history. JP Morgan did them for $2 a piece"

The topic of this blog was suppose to the bail out of Bear Stearns by two "private" banks, JP Morgan and Federal Reserves. I, had assumed that Federal Reserve is an arm of the US Government ( Like RBI) until Mullah Luis sent me the links above. Federal Reserve is as private as any other business in the US.

Well, the market was expecting that JP Morgan would buy Bear Stearns for $16 per share next week but this was a shocker. It is hard to imagine how a stock which was trading for about $160 a year ago was sold for $2 today. A lot of people are going to wake up with some serious losses tomorrow morning. The markets in Japan, Hong Kong and India are not even opened yet. It is going to be a long night for some folks...

We were reluctant to use the word " Recession" but it sounds like we are now headed for a "Depression"!!

PS: Mullah says he has been so depressed lately that he is beginning to find comfort in word depression. He believes that he can handle a bad depression better than a mere recession....

Fasten your seat belts folks....it is going to be a some hard landing!

Ek Parinda...

For the record...

Well, some folks got the impression that main ne " Tun Party" join kar li hai. Nope, I do not drink. I screw up with full control of mind and senses, imagine what would happen if I allow myself to be uder the infleucne of 21% alcohol!!

However, I do allow myself to come under the influence of words, ideals and smiles.....honest ones that is....

Chor....

It’s been two months since I came back from India. It was just a regular trip down memory lane with some cheers, tears and fears in that order!

Leaving mom behind has always been like taking a hit on my heart. Last few days before my departure I always try to photograph her in my mind. I try to remember every line on her face, her eyes, her smiles and her laugh. Every time I leave home I pray to God to please keep her in good health till I return again...every time I try to hide my tears all the way to the airport...every time!

"Jise Chod Kar koi kabhi na Jata Hoga"
Duniya main koi Shahr to Asia hoga!" - S. Akhtar

What I found most troubling after this last trip was my loss of humor. I am willing to lose anything in this life except my humor. This is my weapon of choice. Its always been. I kept going through my routine hoping one day I will overcome whatever that I was going through. And the moment came Saturday morning when I found my car stolen!

The next thing I did was to call cops and Mullah. Only one of them bothered to show up in about 15 minutes. No, It was not the cop. Mullah, looked around tried to smell me for " Daru Hangover” and asked

" Kal Raat kiya kiya? kis bad tameez ke sath the?"
Tumhare sath tha bhaiyya? Kaisi baaten karte ho?
Woh to theek hai magar mere baad khaan gaye the?
Yaar Bistar pe hi aayaa tha.....woh bhi apne...

Mullah suggested we look around the entire neighborhood to make sure I was not drunk and had not parked it in some one else's parking spot. My pleas went unheard and he convinced me that since I hang around with Walty these days, may be I did take one of those " Car or a Yager Bomb” shots. Walty is a buddie from work and is an expert -alcoholic.

We looked in "other people's parking spots" but could not find my car. I was relieved not to find it there else Mullah would have come up some never ending series of questions. Finally Mullah asked

" Ab kiya karen?"
Karna kiya hai , jis ko zarorat thi woh le gyaa. Tum hi socho kal raat pehli baraf giri thi mausam ki, aur itni sardi main kisi ne chori ka irada kiya matlab samne wale ko zaroorat thi" I had decided, It was time to get philosophical.
" Yaar ye accha nahi hua.....sorry" Mullah was sympathetic.
" Allah Kareem....isi bahane Doosri le lenge"
" Doosri nahi - Teesri.."
"Hmmm – wohi Teesri"

And then, right then Mullah said something which was so true.
" Yaar mere khyaal se ye accha shagun tha - Har baar tumhari life main koi ladki aane se pehle nayi car aayi hai". Mullah backed up his analysis by offering me the past statistics.

We both laughed...

Mullah was right. Every time buying a new car always followed by beginning of new beginnings in my life. Suddenly the loss seemed like a profit discounted at the current interest rate.

Even though I had put that loss in perspective and laughed over it, inside I was feeling violated. How the hell someone just found my car worth stealing? Who the hell was he? Why? How dare he?

Later that night it occurred to me that my loss was so inconsequential compare to the theft that have occurred and is occurring the in world today.

This thief's robbery only affected me but what about those thefts that happen in broad day light on the world stage every day? People steal peace from the entire world and go unpunished; they steal oil, other natural resources and survive to enjoy the loot. They steal democratically elected governments, steal monetary system, steal collective psyche of nations. They steal continents, countries, religion and cultures without feel ing ashamed....

What about those thieves that steal trust and Imaan in the blink of an eye? What about those shameless thieves that don’t realize that robbing of some one's innocence is as a heinous crime as stealing of the most precious gem form the jewelry called life? Who will punish these guys?

The guy who stole my car will get caught and most likely will lose his license to drive and may end up doing time but other glorified thieves will stay around for another opportunity to rob some one of something - somewhere!

ps: Dear Dionne, Mullah did not mention you in that statistics and he does not know that you live in Dallas and that you are learning Urdu/Hindi these days! I will translate this blog whenever you are ready! Peace...