The dinner table...

Adriana...

Its been a year now that Adriana left for Jordan, the home of her husband, of her children - her home!

I met her when she was introduced as a new employee, one and half years ago. I welcomed her to the group, and offered her fruits joking that I "sell" them. The next day she came up to me with 25 cents in her hand to "buy" an apple. We picked her on that act for a long time!

What stuck me most about her was that she was 7/8 months pregnant when she came to work with us. Mullah and I wondered what made her decide to work now, and where is her husband? We found out that she is half Arab half South American, married to an Arab she met while in college. They married and moved to Jordan where she had two girls. Everything was hunky dory till in -law bugs got to her. Things got so worst that she left Jordan on a filmy excuse, and vowed never to return.

She was educated at a prestigious engineering university in the South and was prepared to raise her kids alone.

As the D day got closer, we asked her what should we do in case it happens at work? She explained what to expect and how to deal with it. We got her insurance info and all the phone numbers in case of such an emergency.

I have lived most of my life away from home - away from all the natural occurrences that happen in an every day life. It was weired for me to hang around and work with a woman who was so close to child birth. I did not know what to expect. The only experience I have of child birth is from my childhood. I was 12 , when my goat gave birth in Farrukhabad. Even then, I had no clue as to how this goat kid showed up one morning. Those days kids of 12 were really 12 years old. When my nieces and nephews started showing up, I was away travelling to some place or returning from somewhere, usually after long stays. I missed all that goes into child birth.

I grew restless as to how are we going to take her to the hospital from work. There is a long walk to the parking lot, and I was worried about the delay in reaching the hospital. She told me all about expansion and contractions which freaked me out more. She had done it twice so she was calm and collected. I was getting panicky with her description of things to come, and wanted to know who is going to drive her etc. Finally she gave up and said " Shahid, don't you worry, you sit in the backseat and I will drive you to the hospital!!"

She took a 2 months leave after the delivery. We sent her the biggest bouquet we could find in the flower shop. She was very happy, yet sad, for not having her husband around.

When she returned to work, I could sense she did not want to be there. She wanted to be with her baby. A Mother's DNA does not give a crap about 9-5 gig. One day , I saw a bottle of milk in our refrigerator which brought more respect for womanhood. Appearently, on her breaks, she used to milk herself and keep bottles in the fridge, so that she could feed her baby in the evening. I think the scarifies women make in the life cycle should place them in the top position in the food chain. Men should be somewhere in the 7the place...

One day, I engaged her and enquired more about her life. She mentioned all her grievances, the expectations from her in laws and pains of staying in a foreign country etc. I listened and acknowledged her challenges. I ended the conversation by saying "Three girls need a dad around in order to have a normal childhood. When she can act for 8 hours in this job, what stops her from acting 10 minutes in front of her mom-in-law? This is a small price to pay for the security and well beings of the kids..."

The next day she announced that she is returning to Jordan, to be with her husband. She wanted to give her girls their father back. That was a big surprise for everyone. When I inquired what made her decide to go back, she said " What you said Shahid, and how you said it yesterday. No one made me see life that way!"

Soon she started taking interest in my life. She wanted me to get married and tried to set me up with a couple of Turkish girls. One day she brought pictures of them, and wanted me to pick one so that she could arrange for an accidental meeting.

A one liner from me resulted in a laughter, and that was enough to change the topic. She often complained and wondered why I don't take my life seriously. Why do I make fun of everything in life except social activism and films? Why am I so secure with my loneliness?

I had no answer back then. I don't even now.

She left last June, leaving a thank you card for all of us. That card is still stuck at the place where she had left it. No one has heard from her. She had mentioned the non availability of Internet in that part of the world.

I hope she is complete, happy and living a blissful life. It gives me a great pleasure to visualize her living happily with her husband and kids.

Words can be magical...use them wisely!

Chandra Mukhi...

Someone in my group was leaving to get married in Seattle, WA and stopped by at our office for a few minuets. We were happy to have him and soon there were jokes and advices flying all over the place...

When he was about to leave I decided that he shouldn't go empty handed, so I offered him a piece of advice someone gave me several years ago.I was traveling in a train with a girl I hardly knew and had met only a couple of months ago. This middle aged couple with two kids were our fellow passengers.

After we settled down the husband asked if we recently married. I lied and said yes. His name was some Mr. Agarwal and he was a film producer. He was flirting with his beautiful wife. I tell ya , there is no better sight than to see a husband flirting with wife (It helps if the wife in question is his!) , specially if they were married for a few years.

He said "Look, here is the deal and this is how it is going to be. You like it or not. There are three stages in a women's life after marriage...."

Stage 1: First 6- 9 months after the wedding a wife feels like a chandra Mukhi ( moon light). Sweet and sensual. You can't have enough of her...

Stage 2: Between 9 months to 3 years she feels like a Suraj Mukhi ( Sun Light) and prone to burn if you take it more than you ought to...

Stage 3: And finally my dear between 3 years to the rest of your life she feels like a Jwaala Mukhi ( Volcano)

My instinct told me that he is right on the money, so I asked " Guru is there any way we can just keep the first stage going?" . He said nope, all you can do is to keep a safe distance in all stages so that when she turns into the third type you will not get burned...

My fiend DP had a good laugh and said " I know only two rules to deal with wives: Rule # 1: A wife is never wrong , Rule # 2: Never forget rule # 1

I can say with certainty that my friend DP's wife is going to some happy woman for the rest of her life......

PS: The opinion expressed in this blog belong to Mr. Agarwal ( wherever he is) and author assumes no responsibility of any kind...Peace!