Lonely in India..

It is such a strange feeling to come back the roots, to the beginings, and wonder what would life would have been had you chosen a diffrent path. There is no easy answer except a constant feeling of uneasiness. A feeling that no one can truly understand, no one can share.

All this makes you feel lonely. Home does not know how to deal with you and you do not know either. There is a disconnect that creeps in and you live with that while conveying to everyone that you are hapy to be back. You start living in a vaccum.

But inside ----you wait - either to go back or for that moment of time when "Home" will connect with you. That moment of time after which things, place and occassion would not matter.

I do not know which moment is going to come first - my departure for good, or a re-connecteion with home.....

Till then living life in a vaccum...

Shahid

Tanhayeee ki ye kaun si manzil hai rafiqo
Taa - Hadde nazar ek bayaban sa kiyoon hai?

Day three in Bombay

Well, today is third day of my journey and these are my thoughts - " jab koi apna shehear chod kar chala jata hai to woh shahr, woh ghar kuch saal tak to jane wala ka intezaar karte hain ----uske baad woh bhi kahin chale jate hain"....

Too early to judge everyting else....mum is the word.
Shahid

Aadtan Aa Raha Hoon Maktal main ---Going Home Part 2

Aadtan Aa Raha hoon Maktal main…..!!

Next week this day I will be home in Bombay with family and friends…….

I do not know what I will be doing and which places I will be visiting first? It’s been 7 years almost that I walked on those streets and alleys. It seems like ages. I will be going with the last image of Bombay that I have been living with. Will I be able to recognize my city or will it recognize this boy from Byculla?

What will happen to those emotions and feelings that I have been carrying deep in my heart since I left Bombay. Will I be able to express them to the folks that matter to me? Will they listen? Have they matured enough to realize that this is their last chance to re-connect with my heart?

There are many thoughts that have been running thru my mind since I booked my flight. I am unable to calm them down. I never thought going back to your roots is going to a roller coaster ride for me…..

I do not know what made the great Kaifi Azmi write this sher, but it is apt in my case too.

“ Aadtan aa Raha hoon Maktal main
Ab to Kandhon Pe Mere Sar Bhi nahi”!!

Dekhte hain...

Shahid

Doctors says I am OK....

Doctor James Major confirmed that I have a condition which is so common that one out of seven Americans have it. I am not an American so this statistics should not be applied in my case, but hey it does not bother me to be part of this statistics.

I, as usual was thinking the worst. I thought I am going to die. I thought about canceling my wedding as I would not want to leave a young widow around for others to take a chance. I even began thinking about my will and what would I do with so much wealth that I have accumulated?

I thought of the following:

- Give it to my mom and let her do whatever she wants with it
- Set up a charitable trust to help victims of communal violence
- Institute an award in my name for any student who wants to pursue a career in films with a promise that he / she will make at least one film that is anti – right wingers from every major religion.
- Leave it to all the schools that I have attended (from World renowned Chor Bazar Munipal Urdu School to the MIT of the South, The Georgia Institute of Technology)
- Hold a function – thank all those that have been kind to me. Tell them how much I enjoyed their love and friendship.
- Write a cool epitaph for my grave that would make anyone give me (oops my grave) a big hug
- Just plain die…..and let the chips fall wherever they want to.

But God’s grace I am alive and well. Doctor told me to get married and come back for this minor surgery which will only last 3o minutes. He said I will be able to drive three days after the surgery. It was 3 in the afternoon when I left Doctors office. I had skipped my lunch because I was so stressed out. I went straight to the nearest Wendy’s and had a big chicken combo. I enjoyed the cool October breeze, the rush hour traffic and did not even mind the higher gas price ( $3.29/Gallon) at the gas station.

Believe me it helps to be alive…

Ps: The Doctors also said honeymoon would not be a problem with this condition – just make sure you are gentle and kind! ….well we shall see….

Triology !

I am just back from Starbucks after discussing my part of trilogy with the " greatest creative team in Atlanta area" i.e. GiriMohan Coneti and Rafique.

Giri, the hard to please critic surprised me by appreciating what I wrote. I had to confirm this from Rafiq a couple of times that what I heard is correct. May be he was still under the influence of alcohol from last night's party at the Cafe Istanbul. It is so satisfying to get good reviews from folks that you trust.

So, now the focus shifts to the exe- cute- producer Rafiq Batcha to line up actors for the film. He has good networks, which includes some of the prettiest people inside the perimeter. I am sure he will line up a good bunch for the audition next week.

This trilology is one of the best things going for our team - besides Giri 's two weeks vacation in Italy. We are so excited with the prospect of taking some original films to the film festival circuit. We already have one shot and edited. Giri is scheduled to shoot his on October 29 after he comes back from vacation. In the meantime I will complete the third one.

I personally feel we are doing something, which is so timely - so needed. I hope we do it the way we planned and then it will be up to Rafiq to put his Gozuita Business School MBA to work.

Future is getting better - slowly but surely!

Shahid