If I had known...

"If I had known that divorcing her would result in my promotion then I would have divorced her much earlier"

This was Mullah commenting on his recent promotion to the top. At home.

The story goes something like this:

When Mullah's divorce came through and when the time came for both of them to part ways, G suddenly developed a new affection for him. May be it had something to do with the fact that her love - the jailbird for who she was leaving Mullah - was denied parole that she had been counting on. Seemed he is to be in for another 7 years with no chance of being out.

The 'Lovers' of today are very good at calculations... And so instead of going through the hassles of living a single life again, she 'promoted' Mullah instead. So now the hierarchy at home stands thus:

1. Mullah -

2. His FPN - i.e. G

3. the internet -

4. Oscar (dog) -

5.Becky (dog).

Mullah just switched places with Becky . Now he actually greeted on his return from work, food is being cooked more frequently than before by the one who never cooked, Mullah is valued far more than he ever been - and yes - he is loving it.

The great game of wooing the opposite sex only to take the one woo'd for granted after marriage is going on all over. And this has always been so. Most of my friends here and in India complain of the same problem. They all see themselves valued in the beginning, only to end up like a "handyman" as marriage fades into a distance and kids grow up.

In some cases, sooner than later.. Even in weeks...

And there are more divorces in the making...

In India, when the elections are announced, a "model code of conduct" is enforced which makes sure that no false promises are made to woo the electorate and to get their votes. Why cant we have the same model code of conduct in our interpersonal relationships? Why do we couples build the foundation of our relationships on falsehood and lies?

In the US the divorce rate is about 60% and Mullah's divorce just became another statistics.

It was not supposed to be this way. It need have been this way... 'Living together' without living together.

(Had uploaded my blog using this iphone... am still trying to get my bearings. on it.. .If I had known more about it...it is good to be back at a good ol' laptop....)

Till Jefferson County do us apart...

Mullah Luis filed for divorce in the Jefferson Counry superior court last week. 

It was filed as a " no fault" divorce. No fault divorce has its origins in the Russian Revolution of 1917. It found its way to the US when President Reagan signed the family Act of 1969, enabling couples to separate in civilized manner citing only irreconcilable differences as the main cause.

I was concerned about his well being, anticipated him breaking down and upset for some time. I kept in touch with him, but to my surprise found him to be in a better frame of mind. I asked him why is he not upset, to which he responded" Marriages end long before they are certified dead on arrival in the County court. My marriage ended long time ago, and what I did was just a formalization of that event". 

It is funny thing about life as you don't know when you fall in love with someone but you do know the exact moment when you fell out of it....

I don't want to judge the reasons for Mulah's FPN to leave him for a "jail bird". I wanted to talk to her but Mullah requested that he does not want any mediation and he is done with the marriage.

So the question is when should a man / woman try to save marriage?

Mullah says the time to save marriage is when you are "really" married. Anything past that, is an exercise in futility. Trying to save a marriage after it ended in ones heart is a selfish act of maximizing profits and cutting losses.

What is bothering Mullah these days, is the fact that she is turning over all the symbols and memories from the past for him to handle. Mullah is more angry about Oscar and Kathy, her dogs, that she is leaving for Mullah to put up for adoption. 

Mullah thinks that she does not want to take this decision of getting rid of dogs by herself, so she is passing her guilt to him. Now, Mullah would have to get over a failed marriage as well as take the decision to put dogs for adoption... 

Apna Manohar Parsaad Yadav too recalled how his ex girl friend returned all his letters and photographs, before she embarked on her journey with a new man. She too passed her guilt for him to handle.....alone!

This is how it is in the life lane....