Shopping after maa

U go to the supermarket after three months, and as usual pick up something for mom.

Next second it feels like someone just shot ur heart point blank.

Maa not there..who are u buying this for?

There is no one now to accept it with a smile and twinkle in her eyes. No one to tell u not to buy and then read label for what it is and the price on it..

U want to cry but being a grown up u are expected to behave. So u buy whatever and exit the supermarket in a hurry.

(Buying things for her was part of my strategy to make sure she understands that she remains in my mind no matter I go. That she is needed and wanted and loved. When old people feel neglected and not needed, that is when they decide to go - I believed.

I spent all my life letting her know she is needed forever in my life).

Life was never this painful. Never.

Shia _ Sunni, a love story

Baant Ke Apna Chehra, Maatha, Aankhen Jaane Kahaan Gayi?

Phate Puraane Ek Album Mein Ladki Jaisi Maa ....

(Nida)

Nov 1954. She was 19. They had just seen a movie at Super Talkies, Grant Road.. This picture was taken against her wishes. She was a Shia and father was a Sunni. May be she was not sure about how wud this 1400 years old divide wud play in her life.

In those days Shia - Sunni debate was as nasty as it is today. Of course it was minus the suicide bombers. Rest.. ..all mutual hatred, all biases and prejudices were the same.

She hid this picture from everyone. Even lied that it is someone else's. When I found out its hers, I went to town showing this picture and admiring her guts to be a rebel, for following heart. For doing the right thing.

They would marry in 1955.

Her next picture would be taken after a GAP of 25 years, by me.

Since then she remains the most photographed woman of my life.

Always will...

#Maa, #ZubedaSayed, #rebel

Maa

I want to thank EVERYONE for your support and kind words in the biggest ever tragedy of my entire life. I appreciate your prayers for mom and for my well being.

I don’t know how to grieve and what to expect next. This has shaken every DNA of my body and I don’t know what is waiting for me next. No one is prepared for this day. I have been crying like a baby since I saw her wrapped in that white sheet of clothe.

She was widowed at 41. She raised three children with grace, humility and hard work sacrificing her entire life for the well being of her children. We were her only assets.

She raised us with major difficulties and more importantly prayed for us so that we make something of our lives. It was only her prayers that made me reach from a possible life of a Manual Rickshaw Puller in UP to a Civil Engineer in the USA.

I have met major calamities and survived coz Maa was wind beneath my wing that kept me flying. Now I feel like I have no wings, no strength to face the next day.

Since Maa’s departure I have thought many a times to kill myself and to join her. I have complete faith that, like she saved me in this World, she wud find a way to save me there too.

But I think my mom wud not approve of that move.

So, If u see a 50 year old crying like a baby on the street of Mumbai, in a local train, in a bus, in a graveyard pls don’t worry. I am ok. I am just grieving my mom. Bas. I am just trying to get up and start my life or whatever is left of it.

Because more than anything else, I know my Maa wud never want to see me slip into depression. She wud never like to see me do crazy things with my life.

As far as crying, she was ok with it as she once remarked “First do everything for the dead properly, then you grieve”.

I am just following my Maa’s word like I did for the last 50 years of my life.

Please bear with me.

Maa

On 22nd November, they buried my heart in this grave.
Since then I am a dead man walking, with no heart, heart beat. 
Nothing.

And when the most beautiful n brave woman in the World struggles against old age, and when u realize the limits of medical sciences u feel helpless.

This is when u wanna unlearn all the scriptures of the World, the rules of society and all that good for nothing nonsense drilled in ur brain.

You wanna question whoever claims to be the creator and more, as u don't have the luxury to go on searching for the answers like a Buddha!

#Zubieda Sayed, #Mumbai, #Maa

Maa...

Sach  Puchiye to

Aadmi ki Itni badi Ye zindagi 

Sirf Do Aurton ki Muhtaaj Hoti hai

Ek woh 

Jo use Apni Jaan bhi De kar 

Is Haseen Duniya main le aati hai

Parwaan Chadati hai

Aur Doosri Woh Jo

Dauraan-e-safar, ek Wafa daar Dost ki trah

Kabhi Dukh main,  Sukh main

Kabhi Mehfil Main,  Tanhyaee main

Har Trah Saath Nibhati hai

TUM Jaa Chuki Ho

WOH Jaa Rahi hain

DUA Karna!!

(C) Shahid Parvez Sayed, April 26, 2013, 7pm