Nadira.....

" Why u want to do story on me? I am old...lonely and not doing films?

"Leave that to me, I am the director. I will find the story. Aur jahan tak lonely hone ki baat hai to aap ne Ismat Chugtai ko nahi padhaa? Woh Kehti Hain One can be alone but not lonely - as u have a heart for company!". Aap to shaid Ismat Chugtai Se mili bhi hongi...."

Kiya Naam Hai Tumhara, Baaten to acchi kar lete ho? - She asked.

Right then, I knew.... I got her!

That was Nadira and the year was 1996. I was working for Anupam Kher's media company, and we had a show called " Good shot" on air at Sony TV.

I wanted to do a story on her!

Yesterday, while flipping radio channels as I drove home, I came across an old Vividh Bharti interview of her. Here she was, with her unmistakable voice and rare honesty - baring it all. That interview must have been recorded in the 80s or so I think.

She spoke about many incidents and the one that hit me was about actress Meena Kumari and how she died a lonely death. Nadisa said " Un Se sab Cheen Liya Gyaa tha. Tanha Gayin Woh Duniya Se. Main Ne apne Hathon Se Unhen Kafan Pehnayaa tha"

" Main Ne apne Hathon Se Unhen Kafan Pehnayaa Tha!"

I felt guilty for not taking my story on her further than that phone call. I dont know what she thought of me. I hope she understood that I had a boss....

I came home and googled her only to read about her painful lonely death in 2006, exactly 10 years after I had spoken with her. I felt bad, and thought more about her.

Here She was - the star of the 50s. The most sought after actress for a while, specially after Aan. The first actress to own a Rolls Royce.

A woman who had everything going for her at some point of life....died lonely! Just like her frnd Meena Kumari about whom she had spoken in that interview.

" Un Se sab Cheen Liya Gya tha - Tanha Gayin Woh. Main Ne Khud Apne Hath Se kafan Pehnaya tha Unhen!"

In the case of Nadira we dont even know who did Kafan Dafan for her and where she is buried....

PS: Why we make a big deal out of this thing....this small ...short little life of ours?

Just why?

PPS: The reasons I wrote this entry is to overcome the feeling of guilt that I felt yesterday, for not communicative enough with her! I hope she reads this somewhere....and says " Kiya Naam Hai Tumhara...baaten to acchi karte ho?

RIP, Nadira!