This is what's coming next Thursday. I will be in the Hospital for a Hernia Surgery. Dr. James Majors will cut a part of me to repair me. Doc says it should take 1.5 hours and I will be fine.
Am I scared? Of course I am. It%u2019s a lonely feeling to undergo a surgery in a distant land - away from home, away from family and friends. It hits deep down somewhere. Even though I have been preparing for it, there are many questions that have been playing heavily on my mind. What can go wrong? What if I do not wake up? What happens then?
Earlier I had postponed this surgery because I wanted to do it while I was in Bombay last month. I wanted my family and friends to be around when the Anesthesiologist puts me to sleep for four hours. I wanted some reassuring faces around me in this hour of my life.
That was not to be. I came back without the surgery from home, from everyone. I chose to live in pain but refused to go thru it while in Bombay. My reason for not doing it was that if I have to do it alone then I might as well do it in Atlanta.
Loneliness gave me comfort and strength. At least that%u2019s what I always believed in%u2026
-------Not anymore.
I will have to face reality come Thursday. I know what will be going thru my mind minutes before I am sedated. I will be lying under those lights wearing the usual surgical cap and gown. Everything will be well lit around me in the Operation Theatre that day. There will be so much direct light on my body and nothing will be hidden from the Doctors.
I am not sure if Doctors will notice the darkness descending on my heart as they try to repair me%u2026
Shahid
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